60

I was dreading today-it's CD (cycle day) 60. Anyone who has PCOS, irregular cycles and/or anovulation knows what that means. Provera. Yep, time to start a new cycle again with a few magic white pills. That means I have yet to start my period naturally nor ovulate since being off BC ::sigh:: But even on BC, that wasn't natural-I was still on a hormonal substance.

I am actually going to hold of just a little while before I take Provera though, I have my yearly exam in a week and I don't want AF to be here during that time ;) Also, I've had EWCM (egg white cervical mucus) for the past 2 days which is awesome. My temp has been up for those 2 days so I'm hoping something is happening (when I say something I'm referring to me ovulating). I'm believing that God is working on my body and hormones as we speak. Tonight during our small group my boobs were hurting so bad, of course all I could think about was either AF or O. Either one would be a welcoming sight at this point. I am not going to get my hopes up, I'm really not thinking about baby muffin right now (sorry baby). I'm very much focusing on receiving healing in many areas in my life from God. I'm dwelling in his peace and love. I'm good with just being with Him, I like it here. This is where things happen.

So I wanted to post some good news, that's right I said GOOD news! J and I have been trying to refinance our house since Sept 2010. Ironically that's the same time we started TTC. As a matter of fact-I applied for the refi on Sept 21st, the day AF came from being on BC. It was my last "pill" period. Maybe this is an omen ;)

Ok, this has been a MESS!!! We have been working so hard for this refi and we were approved with no problem then our loan officer just forgot about us apparently. Then tried to tell us this Jan that we weren't able to get the rate we were approved for b/c it's been past 90 days (not our fault), his co worker broke his leg (not our fault but good try)...yada yada yada. Nope, we weren't having any of his BS. Long story short, J called his boss in St. Louis and got everything squared away. Crazy loan guy called me today and asked if we could close and sign the papers this Friday. WOOT WOOT! Blessing in disguise b/c now we don't have to make an April loan payment which is awesome b/c we owe a ton on our taxes. Perfect timing-as hard as that is for me to say.

I feel like when I do get pregnant and have baby muffin, J and I will look back and say-"wow that was perfect timing". It's not easy to be patient and wait for something that you want so badly and have already be waiting so long for. We've been married 5 1/2 years and I've been tapping my foot about starting a family. Finally we're both ready and when I stopped BC I wanted a baby then! But-it's not about my timing, it's about God's timing. It has been really stressful and frustrating with this refinance, but if we would've closed on it in December we probably would've spent that "free loan payment" pass on Christmas stuff. I don't know, J and I are pretty good/smart with $. I probably would've bought him a gun he's been wanting for so long or he would've bought me a necklace that I've been lusting after for 2 years. But right now we NEED that extra money for our taxes. So thankful-God knew. I am learning to be patient. It's not easy, it takes one day at a time. But I'm convinced the reward will pay off. In the end, we'll say "that was perfect timing".