Little Did We Know

Dear follower,

We have encountered a major road block. I told my beautiful friend Megan that we've hit a bump in the road, but then realized it's more like a pothole. The kind that when you hit it, you grit your teeth and gasp. Then make a mental note to get your car realigned.

This is something major. This changes everything. This is something that had to be repeated to me because I thought wished I had heard wrong.

I'm not ready to share what has happened. Some of you lovely followers I know in real life. I know you follow and read out of love, you care. That is something that I appreciate more than you’ll ever know. But this is something that Mr. Muffin and I have to agree on before I blog about it. Maybe it’s just too painful right now.

We are brokenhearted and our knees are pretty scuffed up right now. In the mean time, I am here…just not baking a muffin.


The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18

I WIN!!!!

That's what I shouted when I got off the phone with my nurse this morning.

My insurance WILL cover all monitoring while I'm on Clomid or any other drug therapy!!! Woot Woot :)

I'm very annoyed with my Dr and nurse for just assuming that my insurance wouldn't cover just b/c it's IF. They don't know my policy, how dare them just assume. I'm sure they were hoping I wouldn't look into it and I would just "calm" down over the weekend.

No. I demand to be monitored and I'm sorry if it's an inconvenience to her (actually I'm not sorry) but it's my body and I pay good money for insurance and by golly I'm going to use it. My insurance rocks too, they cover all diagnosis and treatments for IF. They just don't cover ART (IVF, IUI). But we're not even close to crossing that bridge yet...and I pray we don't have to.

I was so happy to get all of that dealt with this morning and win my own little battle. It felt great to actually celebrate something lol. I won and I did a little happy dance too :) So now actually I'm looking forward to 100 mg Clomid in the beginning of December and on CD 13 (I think) I'll go in for a pelvic and transvaginal to check my ovaries and such.

Celebrating any victory I can get :)

I know I know...

I said I would keep you updated and I did not. I'm a bad blogger-sorry :( I was trying to just "go with the flow" and "not stress" about being on Clomid and just hope my body responded.

So did it??!?!?!

No.

That hope was high too. I know it was just my first round but after 14 months of IF...any medicated cycle (or not) you're putting everything you have in it. Not only did I not ovulate but my nurse said "ummm you're progesterone level was 0.10....so yeah that's like the lowest possible haha".

Yes she giggled. I wish I were joking.

What a (insert name here)

My side effects weren't that bad on 50 mg. I had occasional hot flashes and for some reason chest pain. I couldn't find anything online about chest pain being linked to Clomid but all I know is it started when I started the meds and stopped when I stopped the meds. It wasn't heart burn either, it was a very tight feeling, like someone was sitting on me. Strange I know.

So what's next? Well we're going to CO for Thanksgiving and since I'm not pregnant we're going skiing!!! I'm so dang excited about that, we haven't been for a couple of  years. Obviously we would much rather be baking little muffin but we're trying to make the best of it. We LURVE the mountains. So time to play in the powder :) When we get back from CO if I haven't started my period on my own (which I haven't since TTC but maybe that fresh mountain air will do the trick lol) I'll start Provera to end this cycle and we'll do 100 mg of Clomid.

Right now I'm in a battle with my insurance company regarding monitoring on Clomid. My policy specifically says that monitoring (including ultra sounds) while on drug therapy is covered. Well they're trying to tell me that Clomid is assisted treatment. NO IT'S NOT. Clomid is not IUI or IVF or any sort of ART. It's a drug therapy. So I'm fighting just so they'll monitor and protect my precious goods. It's so frustrating. So please pray or send good vibes that I'll have favor and win this little battle.

So it'll be the first of December when I start 100 mg Clomid. I'm sure you all can guess what my wish will be when I blow out my birthday candles on Dec 22nd ;) I'll also be singing "All I want for Christmas is a BFP (big fat positive)" this holiday season.

 Until next time...take a look what I got J for his anniversary gift!

Six beautiful years we've been married and I've always wanted to do a shoot like this for him-especially before kids. It was a B-LAST! We love the 50/60s and they dolled me all up at Vixen Pin Up Photography in Kansas City.

 

 It's been a couple of weeks since I gave him this gift and everyday he thanks me...still. If you're going through IF and your sex life has been exposed and has become completely unsexy thanks to precise timed sex then I highly recommend a pin-up or boudoir shoot. It made me feel so beautiful and hot again. I needed that :)

Music-a tribute to Brett Dennen :)

I love music, who doesn't though. I love that feeling you get when your favorite artist comes on the radio or pandora and you have to run to the computer to turn it up or if you're in  your car you say "Yeah that's my song"...even though you're in your car alone. You crank it up and jam out. AHHHH the little things in life-they really keep the infertile afloat :)

I also love concerts. I am a short one though so usually by the end of the night or next morning my calves are killing me because I have been standing on my tippy toes for 4 hours. J and I usually try to get to concerts early so that we can find a good view for me. Then I stay put and he makes our drink runs.

Last night we went to a concert in KC to see one of our very favorite artists, Brett Dennen .

We first heard this awkwardly lanky and tall red headed boy in the summer of 2009. He was touring with our favorite band OAR. Our friends John and Tenisha were thinking about going with us and when we told them who was opening for OAR, Nish said "Oh, Brett Dennen! You'll like him." She was so right. He completely blew me away. His unique voice and adorable dance moves captivated me (and J) and I knew that wouldn't be our last time to see him perform.

The thing about Brett is that he doesn't really fit in a "genre" so we never hear him on the radio (so sad) so not may people know about him. He is his own genre and articles have been written about him on this topic. He says he's ok with that and he's not trying to fit in to any category, he is just Brett Dennen. On wikipedia they classify him as "folk". I suppose that'll do. I've heard him on Scrubs and Parenthood and it made me so happy. He deserves that :)

So last night we danced and watched as "our boy" Brett and his band did their thing. It was so freaking awesome! I've wanted him to come to the midwest for 2 years now and this was the first time! I hope he felt welcomed, the crowd seemed to love him as much as J and I did. He is so much fun and you can see that he loves doing what he does best. Here...go ahead, click this link to hear what I'm talking about. I guarantee your foot will be moving or tapping.

Yep, we're fans. I even got a shirt to prove it :) I love San Fran so this shirt was perfect, had my name written all over it. Well actually it has Brett's but ya know...

We were introduced to a band called Blind Pilot, the opened for Brett. WOW. They were so good! We have them on our Pandora playlist now :) If you like Folk music then you're sure to like Blind Pilot.

Who are you a fanatic about?? What's your song? Who's your band?

Happy listening :)

Vlog...clomid & cart before horse purchase :)

So YEAH....

We're going to call this another fake out.

Now, technically I still have CH's but now they're dotted and I'm thinking I'll lose them very soon. Mehhh...it is what it is. Bring on the clomid.

Of Course

Today I was going to take my first Provera Pill. Instead, I woke up to this.

CH's on CD 73 indicating O (ovulation) on CD 70. You've got to be kidding me. I laughed (go ahead, laugh with me). I finally made the decision to end this cycle TODAY and start Clomid on the next cycle. I'm prepared to move on. Now, normally one might be excited to get CH's. But, every single other time I've gotten them they've been a fluke and O didn't really happen. So yeah, cool I have CH's but I unfortunately cannot allow myself to be happy or get excited. But I'll tell ya one thing, If this is a fake O again, you better believe how fueled and driven I will be to end this cycle and start Clomid. I'm well over due for a win.

So now what?

Well we wait. I am now in the 2WW (2 week wait). My best friend is getting married on Saturday the 1st so I'll test that morning just because I'd like to have a glass of wine or something that night at the reception. I'll only be 9 DPO (days past ovulation) and I know that's early to test but I have some cheap ones I don't mind wasting.

I can't believe this. I'm so ready to move on and now I have to wait and chances are it's just a fluke. Oh little muffin, mommy loves you and I know the wait will be worth it. 

Please be a real O. Please....

12

12 months aka 1 year of trying for a baby with absolutely no accomplishments. No milestones, no victories. I cannot believe it's been a year already. This has been such a hard 12 months.  I'm only on cycle 4 and I feel so cheated. I feel like I haven't earned any of these cycles because none of them have happened naturally. All have been induced by Provera. Today marks cycle day 66 (I know, right) and I'll have to end it again soon with my magic pills (Provera).

So let's see here. Cycle 1 lasted 124 days. Cycle 2 lasted 87 days. Cycle 3 lasted 89 days. So add today's CD (66) and you get a beautiful 366. Most people have 12 cylces a year and 12 ovulations=12 opportunities to start a family. I haven't had one ovulation for those 366 days.

PCOS for the win.

Tonight during dinner Mr Muffin and I discussed what our next step will  be. J is having a hard time grasping the fact that we are going through infertility. He said that the word "infertility" seems permanent. I tried explaining to him that it's not. It's just my current reproductive status. I think it just scares him. Which, honestly, I'm ok with. Not that I want him to be scared but I want him to feel a little of what I am feeling and what I have been feeling for a long time. This feeling (fear, worry, what ifs...) hasn't just been going on for the past 12 months. It's been about three years when my doctor first told my I may have PCOS. She said so causally that I "may have a hard time getting pregnant".

I left the appointment (with no tests ran at that time...just my doctors voice in my head) and sat in my car with my face in my palms filling with my tears. How? Why? It's not fair. I remember telling J when I got home and he didn't understand and said that it would all work out. Good answer babe :)

Anyway, I think J is finally having a reality check. This is good. He needs it, especially since now we're going to be on infertility meds and aggressively trying and planning (sounds so romantic, ehh?!). So this Wednesday, I'm going to call Dr B. and have her fill my script for Provera to end cycle 4 and starting cycle 5 I'll take 50 mg of Clomid.

Trying to stay hopeful and optimistic about it all. I've started Body Flow with a friend and it's been awesome! A great stress releiver and it just feels so good to move my body and really stretch and sweat. I'm going to try really hard to not think about taking Clomid and just go with the flow of everything. Business as usual :)

Take care my friends xoxo

Follow Up to "Empty Jars" Post

Here is the message. Enjoy :)

Empty Jar

This Sunday, my pastor preached a great message. I've heard many ((mmmaaaannnyyy)) "faith" messages in my life. This one was probably one of the freshest ones I've heard in a really long time. He introduced a scripture that I've never seen before. I've probably read it a few times but never really thought anything about it. It was a simple...yet eye opening message. As soon as it's available, I'll post the link to the podcast. It's only like 30 minutes long. Boy did it touch me.

2 Kings 4 (NIV)

The Widow’s Olive Oil

 ¹ The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the LORD. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.”  ² Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?”
   “Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a small jar of olive oil.”
 ³ Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few. ⁴ Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.”
 ⁵ She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. ⁶ When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.”
   But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing.
 ⁷ She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.”

This woman was desperate for a miracle. Her husband died and she owed money and the creditors were going to take her sons. AS SLAVES! She tells Elisha that she has nothing...except a little olive oil.

The thing that touched me in this message is that God will use what you will give to him. This message could be used in many different scenarios...obviously for me it was infertility. I may not have the perfect fertile reproductive system. I may not have all the answers. I may not be am not a saint, I may wrestle with God and my beliefs and faith every. single. day. I may cry most nights and wish it would all disappear the next morning. But what I do have and what I am willing to give God is my hope.

My hope is anchored in Him. My trust is ingrained in His truth. My future is in the palm of His hand. I believe it is wise to be well educated and understand what is going on with my body. But....above it all, His truth does triumph the facts. One day I will have my victory dance.

Oh and look who wanted to drop in and say a sleepy hello...Lukers

Again, as soon as the podcast is available I'll post it. I hope you will listen, it's refreshing.

VLOG!!!

I'm so excited to present my very first vlog :)

Before you watch, I want to apologize for the delay in picture/voice. This was my first time after all and I'm not sure what happened. We just got a new laptop and it has a built in camera but I don't think the camera is awesome. I did get a really nice camera for Christmas from Josh so I can skype (which I never do *sad*) so next vlog I'll use that one and hopefully the quality is better.

Enjoy xoxo

Last Tea

Well I'm almost finished with my tea and acupuncture experience. It's bitter sweet. I'm ready for it to be over with for the sake of $ and I'm kind of tired of being poked. But I love it too because it is relaxing and therapeutic.I had such high hopes for it all. Now I sit and scratch my head. Pray. And wait.

So this is the last actual tea (I'm on week 3 of tea) and the last week (week 4) will be herbs in the pill form **praise the Lord** The idea of this tea is that *if* I had ovulated (and my chart is not indicating that I ovulated...big surprise there right) this tea would strengthen the egg and promote very rich blood flow.

So here are some photos of the tea before I brewed it. Unlike the other teas, this one didn't have any leaves.

 Guess what that is...go ahead guess it....Yep that would be Mule Glue. I'll repeat that b/c you probably 

  thought you heard me wrong. That is GLUE made from MULE.

 
Oh and those are my toes that I painted for the first time in TWO years! I had an ouchie that wouldn't go away and it prevented me from painting my left big toe. It's finally almost all better so I painted a light coat :)

 

Ok back to the tea. I had to let it soak in room temp water for 15 minutes before I heated it up. After that I simmered it for 30 minutes while keeping the pot covered.

While my tea simmered, I was to melt the mule glue //gags//. My acupuncturist made this seam easy peasy and it was not. It wasn't melting. He said it should melt like chocolate. But they were bubbling up and were actually looking like honey roasted peanuts...not creamy chocolate!

Mr. Muffin and I were baffled. I couldn't call my acupuncturist either because it was late and he was in the preparation stage of getting a colonoscopy and said he wouldn't be able to answer his phone. I don't blame him. So I eventually just dumped the stuff in my tea and let it melt in there. I figured it couldn't realllllly make that big of a difference. I guess we'll see if I'm still alive in a couple of days ;)

So here is what I strained from my tea. Yep I get to drink this lovely concoction. Lucky me.

He swore to me that there wasn't crap in my tea...I'm beginning to wonder if I should've specified the word "crap"

There ya go boys and girls. I will drink 1 cup twice a day for 7 days and then I'll start my herbal pills to try to end this cycle naturally. I would love for it to work but I'm not getting my hopes up. I've enjoyed my natural remedies and trying to get my body to cooperate on its own. But so far she aint doing a daaaaaang thing. So I'll take September off from everything and probably start Clomid in October...maybe November. It's a hard step so it just depends on how I feel at the time. J and I have been trying for almost a year now for a baby, it's depressing to think I haven't O'd or cycled on my own. Not once. I'm angry and confused and maybe a little annoyed too. 

Hope you've enjoyed reading and looking at my pictures from my herbal tea experience. Let me know if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer. Because you've been such a good follower I'll share one of my favorite photos from our Yellowstone vacation. These are the Grand Tetons in Jackson, WY. This is where J and I want to retire :)

Never Underestimate My Jesus-Relient K

click to listen

Chinese Tea

I haven't showed you guys my tea photos yet! I brewed this before I took Provera hoping to induce my period. My acupuncturist is a herbalist and makes tea "formulas" as he calls them. I was pretty excited about brewing this and had very high hopes.

 

This is when it got interesting. It started to look questionable. It smelled awful and I was tempted to pour it out. It seriously looked like I went in my backyard and just thew a bunch of leaves, twigs and mud in a pot.

 And Holy heck what is that??!?!?!?! Yep mushroom ::gags:: It was all coming to life and I had to drink it.

This is what I strained out. I had mixed feelings about it. Cool, how organic and natural...go me. Gross, why am I doing this when I can take a little white pill for 5 days and then wham bam my period will come. But I pressed on and drank the tea twice a day for 5 days.

It. Was. Disgusting.

Also, it didn't work. I was bummed. So was my acupuncturist because he knew I was going to take Provera if the tea didn't work. I had to, I couldn't go 100+ days again with no period. He understood of course but I could sense his disappointment. I assured him that I was the most disappointed. Not in him or his remedies of course, just my body. Trust me, it's not uncommon for me to stare at myself in the mirror and say three little letters. WTF(udge)?

So here we are now, I'm on a new cycle and I'm drinking some new tea remedies again. So far this weeks tea isn't as gross as the last. This is my last go at acupuncture and tea formulas to help with my PCOS. So maybe 3 more weeks. Can't believe how fast time has gone. I started acupuncture the end of May and told myself I'd stop in July. Now it's nearly August. It has been great, very relaxing and has helped tremendously for my digestive system. We've spent so much OOP on acupuncture, my checkbook needs a break. And so do I, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I just want to feel normal, I want to go to church without wanting to cry my eyes out during every worship song because I don't feel like God  hears me. I know he cares but why is this so hard? A friend posted a great scripture on FB the other day and I had to write it down.

The purity of silver and gold is tested by putting them in fire; The purity of a human hearts is tested by giving them a little flame.               -Proverbs 27:21 MSG

Next post will be about my new little plants and trying to find cool pots...stay tuned :)

Quick follow up and LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!

So so sorry that I've been neglecting my blog :( I've been having a hard time with baking a little muffin lately. Honestly, it hasn't even been about muffin. It's been the batter part that has me down, my lack of ovulation is really getting to me. Oh and my lack of period too.

I had to take Provera to end cycle 3. AF finally came on CD 89 and now I'm on Cycle 4. So just a quick recap for any new followers. I've been TTC (trying to conceive) for 10 months and haven't had one single period on my own nor have I ovulated...once. So when I think about that, the fact that J and I haven't even had the opportunity to conceive, I get a *little* down. So I'm on the 4th day of my period now and it has been really bad. I've had extremely horrible cramps, nausea, migraines...the works. In case you are wondering, yes I am still doing acupuncture and will continue for maybe 4-5 more weeks. Luckily now I only go once a week so it's a little easier on the ol pocket book.

Anywho...tonight I went to my favorite "browsing" store. The place where I don't really need to buy anything but probably will because I can't resist a great deal. The store that has some of the greatest most random items. The place where I love to go with a girlfriend and just say "oh look at this" a couple dozen times (tonight I really needed my best friend that now lives in FL. She's the kind of friend who you can do absolutely nothing and still have the best time of your life. Yep that's my Nisha.) So do you know what store I'm talking about??? TJ Maxx of course!

Before I begin telling you about my little find, I want to let you know how much I love coconut. I do. If you know me, you may know that I loath summer. J reminds me all of the time that I don't hate summer, I just hate summer in the midwest. It's horrible and I can only think of 5 good things about summer (in the midwest). Coconut makes the top 5...probably top 3 in fact. So when I come across something that is "cononuty", I get pretty happy. The other night I was craving a blue coconut aka ocean water drink from Sonic. If you do not know what Sonic is or have never had sonic then you are MISSING OUT! Google it. So J got me a blue coconut drink and as soon as he came home with it...I made it extra happy and added some coconut rum to it! Delish.

I'm getting off subject, sorry. While browsing in the bed and bath area at TJ Maxx I found this...

Yup Yup!!! Coconut Mango Soap made in Italy **swooooon** This is why I go to TJ Maxx. Because for $4.99 I get an awesome (and huge) bar of heavenly soap that washes all my IF (infertility) worries away. It's like a little Jesus bar. I also found and purchased organic coconut flavored coffee and it's incredible. I didn't take a million (or one for that fact) pictures of it though, I was mostly pumped about my soap lol. Happy Monday precious followers.

Dear Ovaries, You SUCK.

I want to blog but I haven't many words today. Just a few photos for you and how my morning has started off.

Temp rise (nice big one too)= Me jumping out of bed all excited b/c that my friends is a  GOOD sign of pregnancy. I decided to whip out an expensive test, not gonna lie I was feeling pretty confident.

A few minutes later...

                      (don't judge my bed head!)

Not pregnant.

Now let me say this, I would have *MUCH* rather woken up and got a low temp and feel excited that AF (aunt flow aka my period) was on its way. That too would be an accomplishment for my craptastic ovaries, to actually start my period on my own. But nooooooo I just had to get a beautiful temp rise to tease me and then bammmmm BFN (big fat negative).

So let's talk next steps. This summer I'm dedicating to getting my body and health in tip top shape! I'm only 6 lbs away from my goal weight of 125. I have cut out dairy since the first of June (boy do I miss my cheese) and already feel awesome. I have more energy and don't feel so bloated. I will keep doing acupuncture and I'm going to start my herbal teas to help bring AF along (hopefully). I'm already on CD 55 so I really hope the tea does its job at helping me start a new cycle.

Also, I'm going to find a RE (reproductive endocrinologist aka fertility specialist) and have a HSG done to make sure my tubes are clear and everything is fine there ( here is a link if you're curious what a HSG procedure is). Mr. Muffin is going to have to have a SA (semen analysis) to make sure his boys can swim. He is not looking forward to this lol. I remind him of all the crap that I'm having to do and he stops complaining pretty darn fast :)

I continue to pray and believe God that everything will work out. I believe all things work together for my good in His time. As a Christian, it's very hard going through IF. You have so many frustrations and doubts and fears and worries. It becomes overwhelming and then you just want to fall into His arms and cry. He holds my world inside his hands....I just wish He'd share :)

Ok, I lied. I said I didn't have much to say but you know me better than that. I always have plenty to say. Today I'm going on a 15 mile bike ride and regain my focus. I'll post soon (with pics of course) about my herbal tea. Have a lovely day friends.

Just a quick update

I still have CH's so that's good news. I'm not getting my hopes up though, temps are lowish but still above the cover line.

If I truly did ovulate, I would be 8 DPO (days past O) and I'm on CD (cycle day) 48. I don't really know what to think of my chart, any honest input would be appreciated.

Today is going to be a great day...a hot one too! Have a good weekend people :)

ACUPUNCTURE ROUND 2

Went great!!! This time I showed my Dr my chart (via my phone which he that was the coolest thing ever lol) and he said that because I may have ovulated, we weren't going to treat IF/PCOS this time. We focused on stress, worry, keeping my blood flowing properly (if I O'd) for implantation and digestion. I laid on my stomach and he put about 20 needles in this time. Starting on my neck alllllllll the way down to my ankles. He cranked up the heat and I listened to my Chinese rock and roll and R-E-L-A-X-E-D!

Before I told him about my possible ovulation, he brought me a goodie bag FULL of leaves, twigs, dried roots and fruit.This was my herbal tea :) I was so excited, it all looked...exactly what I would want to put in my body. All organic, non-toxic and it was so pretty.

I'll talk more about the tea (how I brew it, store it, drink it, and how it works) later, I'll start it next week if my temps drop and I didn't O. I'll start drinking the tea in hopes to regulate my cycles. If I did O then I'll wait for my period to start and then I'll start the tea then. If I am pregnant...well that's just a whole new ball game folks :)

My next appointment is on Thursday so until next time...

Please be real please be real...

Crosshairs=ovulation

This has happened twice since first TTC and both times have been a fake out. I'm not getting my hopes up because my sleeping has been sort of weird the past few days. I will say though that I don't think I've ever had temps this high-this could be a good sign. Fingers crossed and believe God that I actually did O.

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day, let's not forget the true meaning of this day. I'm off to eat pancakes that J has so lovingly prepared :)

Acupuncture review

It's hard to even begin explaining how much I loved my acupuncture appointment. I searched and searched all over town for a specific acupuncturist-I was looking for a DOM (Dr of Oriental Medicine). These Dr's are the real deal boys and girls. I found out that in the state of Kansas, any chiropractor can study acptr for 100 hours and become licensed. A DOM studies for at least 4,000 hours. I finally found my DOM and his little clinic is literally within walking or at least bike riding distance. How cool is that??!! My obsession with finding a DOM all started from this book.

The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis. My acupuncturist actually studied at the same place that Randine studied. Also like Randine, my doctor spent some time in China and is also a licensed Herbalist. Now this may all seem a little "hippie" to some of you. Well you're probably right lol, but for me, I would rather spend my time and money on healing my body naturally and getting my blood flowing naturally then just masking the problem with Clomid. I do consider myself to be a sort of "natural/zen/hippie" person. Not too much though, I mean I shower and don't have dreads, but I am all about "pure" things. I'm not saying I'll never take Clomid but for at least 4-6 months I am going to do acptr and take herbs and brew all kinds of crazy teas and really try to cut out so many processed foods.

So let's talk about my appointment! I was very nervous, I wasn't nervous about the needles (which I'm sure is most people's biggest fear and reason for not going to an acupuncturist), I was actually nervous about talking about my reproductive and IF issues with a MALE! I talk to J about this stuff but I never ever ever have had a male dr, not even just a family practitioner. For some reason I've never been comfortable with a male Dr. touching me or talking about personal things. Nothing has ever happened to me (as far as I know) that has caused me to have this fear and anxiety. I was also nervous that he wouldn't know much about PCOS/IF even though his website and card said he specialized in OB/GYN, pregnancy, fertility and IF. I, of course, felt that he wouldn't be able to relate because he is a male.

I was so wrong, he was extremely sensitive and caring and I felt very comfortable talking to him about my struggles. I have been to so many doctor appointments and I have never had anyone sit down and talk to me about my health and well being for as long as he did. He gave me the most delicious hot jasmine green tea as we visited. I could have just smelled that stuff all day-so good. He asked a lot of questions-weird ones too like am I ever short of breathe & do I have pain in my right side of my body & do I have ringing in my ears. Yes to all of them, then he asked about my digestion-EEEEEKKK!!! HOLD THE TRAIN!

I have always had a horrible digestive system.*TMI*  When I was a kid all until I was about 19, I only pooped about 4-5 times...a MONTH. Swear. It was awful, it would hurt so bad too. At the time I nannied for a Dr and I told her about my digestive problems and she urged me to seek medical attention and eat more fiber. I became obsessed with things of fiber and reading labels on everything I bought at the store. My digestive system was getting better and I was pooping about 2 times a week. That was progress folks! Then I went to a gastrologist because I was having really bad stomach pains and still dealing with constipation and diarrhea. Hey...it is possible to have both! She said I had IBS and there really isn't much they can do, I just have to watch what I eat, keep a food journal of what triggers my IBS and eat lots of green veggies and drink tons of water.

So that's been about 2 years and I have gotten better. I try to avoid fast greasy food, soda, cheese and I can not ever eat at On The Border. This place causes me to be in the bathroom for hours, even thinking about it makes me feel sick lol. I still don't have as many bowel movements as a "healthy" person but I have improved a lot. So I say all of that to say this. My acupuncturist said that my body is causing things to be "stagnant", things are not moving and flowing as they should. I shook my little head in agreement trying to remember the last time I pooped and the fact that I have not started one single period on my own since stopping birth control. He said my blood isn't flowing smoothly and he feels that stress/worry/anxiety is a huge reason why I'm having digestive and menstrual problems.

So we started the acupuncture, he put about 20 needles in me. I didn't feel a thing. Ok, that's not entirely true, I felt it a few times but it only felt like a small scratch. NO pain at all though. It was extremely relaxing and soothing. He focused on my spleen which is where worry is at. I was all about this-please extract the worry :) Once the needles were in I laid there for about 30 minutes and just closed my eyes and didn't think about anything. It was dark, just a little lamp on, warm and relaxed to "Chinese rock and roll" music as he called it.

Once I was finished, he took the needles out and we discussed herbs and brewing my own teas. I was very excited about this. He assured me that it would not taste good and probably will make my house smell too. I said that was fine with me. He wants me to come back twice a week for about 4-6 weeks. He said it would cost $80 a week. I told him that as much I wish I could, I couldn't afford that, who can??!?! So he asked me what would work for me and I compromised at $50-this also included my herbs and teas.

So here is my game plan. I feel like right now I really need to get my stress/worry/anxiety and digestive system in order. This is very important to my overall health. This should help also with getting my blood flowing and hopefully regulating my cycles and *fingers crossed* ovulation. For the months of June and July I am going to go a couple of times a month and start my herbs/teas. In August (if I'm not pregnant by then) I'm going to really jump in and we will focus on fertility. I remind myself that I am not infertile, just imbalanced. J and I have decided this is something that we really want to work and understand it will take effort and smart spending on our part. So from August to October we will focus greatly on getting me pregnant.

If by the end of Oct I'm still not pregnant, I'll most likely quit and just take a break from it all. Maybe by December or January 2012 I will start 50 mg of Clomid. Sorry this was so long, just wanted to give you a detailed summary. It was awesome and I can't wait to go back. My next appointment will be on Tuesday the 31st. I'll get my herbs and teas then and I'll let you know how that goes. I feel like I need a witch hat and big black kettle :) Thanks for all the well wishes and if you have any questions for me please feel free to ask!

Here is a brief list of some conditions that Acupuncture effectively treats:

• Stress/Anxiety
• Women’s health
• Infertility
• Menstrual Disorders
• Obstetrics & Gynecology
• Pain Management
• Headaches / Migraines
• Insomnia
• Psychological/Emotional Disorders
• Weight Reduction
• Gastrointestinal Disorders
• Sexual Dysfunction
• Addiction
• Alcohol, Nicotine, Drug etc.
• Allergies
• Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
• Colds and Flu’s
• Cosmetic Acupuncture
• Facial Rejuvenation
• Immune Disorders
• Internal Medicine
• Musculoskeletal Disorders
• Neurological Disorder

Acupuncture today

Yep today is finally the day! I'm excited, nervous and hopeful all at the same time. It's a beautiful spring day here, sunny and 75. I plan on relaxing and enjoying the spring breeze through the windows.

I will also be playing this song all day long. I'll give you a full report on how it goes :)

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Alma, KS

STORMS!!!

Gotta love the Midwest storm season!!! This was the closest and scariest tornado experience I've ever had...and I've had a lot of them lol. The afternoon started off by J and I taking a motorbike ride out in the country. It was beautiful and like 85 degrees-that was a lot warmer than it was supposed to be.

It suddenly became very very dark-this is when I was sad I didn't have a camera with me :( It was so cool watching the storms roll in. Little did we know it was a huge tornado cell forming. We *barely* made it home before the rain started. Then about 3 minutes later it started to hail. Boys and girls, this was not your cute little "oh it's snowing in May" hail. This was HOLY SH****T IT'S RAINING BASEBALLS!!!

There were still ones bigger than this, J was running outside to grab these (don't worry he was wearing his bike helmet lol). It was incredible and terrifying all at the same time. Seeing the devastating disaster that recently happened in the south made me pretty afraid. I'm so used to tornadoes and storms that I'm not usually afraid. I'm not gonna lie-I did think for half a second "maybe the world really is going to end". The clouds were so eerie and all of a sudden they were swirling right above our house. J got some video on his cell phone but it doesn't do its justice. You should see the pics friends are posting on FB. I can not believe the tornado never touched down and was destructive. There is a ton of hail damage but that's about it. We were very lucky. It was so huge in the sky, we couldn't stop watching it instead of being smart and seeking shelter.

Anyway, that was our exciting night :) I'm off to bed now, big day tomorrow. My sister and I have a date in KC at Union Station to go to the Princess Diana exhibit. I'll try to take some pics of that and share with you, they'll even have her wedding gown there! Cannot wait-totally excited.

Take care my loves xoxo!