best find ever!

So in case you were wondering, no I haven't dropped off the face of the planet :) I've been trying to think of something to blog about besides baking a muffin. Life has been busy lately which is nice. It's wedding season and I'll be shooting a lot this summer (woohoo!) and look what Mr. Muffin and I got...

2009 KLR. I don't know much about it but J could tell you everything you wish and wish you didn't know about it. It's fun, but I need a helmet that actually fits. We rode around on Thursday and the helmet that I wore (which is J's old one)  is a large was falling off and choking me. Not so fun. But I found one that I like, it's pretty cool (has built in sunglasses!) and it's only $100.

But what I really wanted to blog about today is an item that I found last year or so. It's my favorite thing in my kitchen and I brag about it all the time. It's called a Spaghetti Scrub!

This gem comes with 2 scrubs made from peach pitts. Each one lasts 5-7 months, dries very quickly after using it so it doesn't get all smelly and moldy. I found this in a magazine but you can only order it online. I buy it from amazon. I think I will cry if they ever stop making this, J and I both love it and I feel better about cleaning our dishes with such a natural product.

This is how it looks when it comes out of the box. Pretty big (it even smells a little like peaches...just a hint though).

But then when you wet it and start to use it, it gets all curly and crazy.

 

It's safe to use on all dishes, even wine glasses!

 

 

I try to untangle it and lay it out on the sink or on the faucet, it dries pretty fast.

One of the best features is that you don't have to use soap. I still use soap for greasy or really dirty things or if something had raw meat on it. But if something just needs a quick cleaning, no need for soap. I believe the cost is about $10-$12 on amazon and it comes with 2 scrubs. Better yet, here is a link 

http://www.amazon.com/Goodbye-Detergent-GDB101-Original-Spaghetti/dp/B002CVTTXE/ref=sr_1_cc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1304181320&sr=1-1-catcorr  

 

Not bad at all considering we only have to buy them once a year. Hope you give them a try, I'm definitely sold on them!

Well, I'm off to shoot an outdoor wedding at the lake, hope the rain holds off! Hope you have a great weekend and I'll try not be gone so long next time (bad blogger!). Much love xoxo

She's here she's here!!!

Finally on CD 86 AF (aunt flow aka my period) decided to show! Woohoo :) Cycle 2 is over and it's such a relief to start over. Cycle 1 and 2 combined lasted 7 months and not once did I ovulate. Now that is sad. I'm allowing a few seconds for myself to lash out, freak out and have some self pitty........................................................................................................................................ok that's enough. Time to move on to cycle 3 and start some acupuncture. I have to ovulate, this is the goal. Though a baby would be an awesome result of ovulation (obviously), I just really really want to O. I'm believing God, being fully persuaded that he is going to perform a miracle.

So here is some good news-usually when taking Provera, you're period comes 5-10 days after your last pill. Last time I took it  AF came right on the 5th day. This time, she came on the 4th day! Woot Woot!!! This tells me and Dr B that my body responds very very well to medication. This makes me happy.  Both times I've taken Provera it has been the lowest dose. So I'm **thinking** about trying 50 mg of Clomid this summer. Dr B says the chances of multiples on the 50 mg are extremely low. I really hope acupuncture helps with the ovulation but if not I think I'll talk to Mr. Muffin about Clomid. There is a really good chance that my body will respond easily to it and we can end all this TTC fiasco. It's so much harder than I ever ever imagined.

So here I go, cycle 3 please be good to me.

GOD IS ABLE

My bumpie friend lovinlife posted this on her blog and I had to share it, so beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5yRjIaN2ts&feature=related

 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"-Psalm 34:18

magic pills

Also known as Provera. I'll take one of these for 5 days, then in about 5-7 days AF should arrive. Then I'll be onto cycle 3...please oh please work body!

 

better luck next time...

something snapped

Please let me start by saying that I am usually pretty good about holding it together. I love and try to live by the quote "true strength is when you hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart". I try my hardest to stay positive and know that God makes all things work together for His good. But yesterday...something snapped.

For the past two days, I've had low temps and I had a feeling I was going to lose my CH's and FF would detect no ovulation...again. Sure enough, yesterday morning I lost them. No ovulation. I'm now (today) on CD 77. I have not had a period on my own or ovulated since we started TTC. I was bummed all day yesterday but I tried not to dwell on it, I didn't want it to get the best of me. I called Dr B and told her I needed a refill of Provera. She was bummed with me and wished me the best of luck with the new cycle and acupuncture. I thanked her, swallowed the knot in my throat and tried not to cry. Success, I didn't cry.

The day went on and I tried to distract myself from feeling like a failure. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my script aka "magic pills". I took this in January to start a cycle that lasted 124 days. That was cycle 1...what a waste. Anyway, when I went to pick it up in Jan, my stupid new insurance with Mr. Muffin was conflicting with my old insurance. It was a mess and I left just paying OOP b/c it was only $12 or $15. I wasn't worth fighting for at the time. I spent over 3 hours on the phone with both insurance companies that day trying to get it resolved. I tried to explain to them that, at that moment of picking up a prescription to make my body "work" is a hard moment. I'm fragile and the last thing I want is my insurance not working. I already feel like nothing else is working. Blah blah blah they tell me it's fixed, they apologize and assure me this will not happen again.

I go to pay for my magic pills yesterday and sure enough...conflict of insurances. I put both of my hands over my face and told myself to hold it together (keep cool my baby...thanks Conan). I asked the dear pharmisist why he couldn't just delete my old insurance in their system. He explained why but really at that point I could see his mouth moving but I couldn't hear the words he was speaking. I could feel my face starting to get hot and knew that I was about to burst into tears. I wanted to scream. I smiled and asked if I could please just pay OOP for my meds and gracefully leave. Oh but I had to have him ring up my waxing kit for my sweet upper lip hair-thanks again PCOS.

I got in my car feeling crushed, defeated, sad, alone, angry, broken. Started my little Honda and drove home thinking I should've stopped at the liquor store. I get home and J walks to me with yellow and orange tulips. He says "Happy Friday" with the biggest, most beautiful smile. I take two steps from the front door and literally fall in to his arms. I cried. Hard. The last time I had a good cry was about 4 months ago. It's not that I don't like to cry, but it just takes a lot for me to cry. I didn't even really cry when all the crazy shenanigans happened with my mom a few weeks ago. But last night I just snapped. I'm glad J was home too. He held me tight, like he was trying to save me from crashing. I screamed, shouted, and sobbed. I just kept saying " I can't do this, I can't do this".

I remember when my tears were done, I just stood there in his arms breathing-but it reminded me of a child. You know how they breathe when they get hurt of something and they try to catch their breath. I can't think of how to describe that sound. But, it just made me realize how much I need J...and God. I can't do this on my own. So, tomorrow I will start Provera. I'll take that for 5 days and then 5-7 days later my period should come. I'm going to schedule my acupuncture appointment for when my period is done. I'm done charting this cycle too. It's been a long 77 days. That little guy deserves a break too. If you read all of this, wow. You're amazing and deserve a nice photo to end on. Happy Spring.

 

{P.S. J had picked up some Bud Light Lime when he was out getting me flowers. That was a goooood beer}

book review

I've read a lot of literature about TTC and TTC W/PCOS. The internet is full of great resources and helpful info. I, however stumbled upon this gem at a local bookstore that was going out of business. If you have PCOS, I highly suggest this book.

It is very easy to read and helps you understand what is going on with your body. They use a lot of medical terms that your doctor uses but in this book they explain what those medical terms mean. It also talks a lot about dieting and food, what to eat what not to eat. I felt like this was one of the best things I've read about PCOS.

I had my yearly exam on Monday. I knew I was the last patient of the day so I asked Dr B if it would be ok if I could see what all of my blood work and US results looked like. Now, she has verbally told me my results but I wanted to see them for myself. I wanted mostly to understand what exactly is going on. I need to know exactly what to pray for. She brought her laptop in the room and we spent 40 minutes talking and review all of my medical info. It was A.W.E.S.O.M.E!!!!!!!

That was the best appointment I've ever had. I feel  like I have a strong knowledge of where I'm at medically now. I wasn't even sure what all I was tested for, there were so many over the past 2 months. I was so glad I had her do this. Usually doctors are in such a hurry but I realized that this is important and why I pay her...well why I pay my insurance company to pay her :) I think she even has more respect for me b/c I care so much. I'm very proactive in my health and she seems to appreciate that a lot. She said I'm her only patient pursuing Alternative Medical Treat. I was really surprised to hear that, a little sad too. She is eager for me to try acupuncture and hopes for success. I'm grateful to have a good relationship with my Dr.

....oh just a quick update, today is CD 74 DPO 7 :) Praying those CH's are a true indication of Ovulation! No more psych outs fertility friend!!!

{{rubs eyes}}

WHAAAAA??? CH's on FF??!!!!

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/335cb5

Yep that's right kids, I O'd!!! This is why I temp :D I'm currently on CD 70 4 DPO!!! I was going to take Provera last week but decided not to b/c I didn't want AF to be here when I had my yearly exam. God is faithful!! I've been *dwelling* in Matt 7:7-8 for the past several days. My friend Bella sent me a text that I needed so badly with this scripture. I have it posted everywhere now.

(NIV Translation)

  ⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

(The Message Translation <3)

 ^7-11"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

I don't always put in when we have sex, only if I remember. I usually upload my temps in the morning from my phone while I'm still in bed. So we do have more sex then it says lol. However...our timing wasn't good at all-BUT I'm totally ok with that. I am just continuing to believe for regular cycles and regular ovulation. I am going to be over-the-moon with joy when AF comes naturally!!! Woot Woot ::does happy dance::

What a great day, it's so beautiful out! I've got my windows open and going to turn up the tunes and clean the house and just.be.happy.